8. Jan, 2016

Gordon Effing Ramsay

In this era of political correctness, where prostitutes have become “sex workers”, schoolgirls “girl child learners” and illegal aliens “undocumented migrants” it is refreshing to encounter someone who calls it as he sees it. One un-PC Scotsman has turned offensive ranting into such a fine art that he is being paid millions of dollars to do it on TV. Gordon Ramsay is not everybody’s cup of tea, and he is sometimes really offensive. Still, he is often side-splittingly funny, as the quotes below bear out. NB: If you are easily offended, do not read any further.

  • “The pork is so raw, it’s still singing ‘Hakuna Matata’!”
  • “You used so much oil, the US wants to invade the f@#$%^g plate!”
  • “This lettuce is so fresh, it has to live with its uncle and auntie in Bel Air!”
  • “This soufflé has sunk so far, James Cameron wants to make a movie about it!”
  • “That chicken is so black it can’t attend Prom in Georgia!”
  • “That salad is so badly dressed it would even shock Lady Gaga!”
  • “The pork is so raw, Kermit’s trying to shag it!”
  • “This fish is so undercooked, it’s still looking for Nemo!
  • “That beef is so raw, people in India are still worshipping it!”
  • “You sent up so much smoke, Red Indians came to make peace!”
  • “This Wiener is so raw, doctors are trying to circumcise it!”
  • “This squid is so raw, I can still hear it telling Spongebob to p*ss off!”
  • “This dish is so unprepared, Russia is calling it the Winter Olympics!”
  • “The lamb is so undercooked, it’s following Mary to school!”
  • “This roll is so bad, Nicolas Cage turned it down!”
  • “This steak is so undercooked Old McDonald is still trying to milk it!”
  • “Is this a Roti or the map of Pakistan?”
  • “These crabs are so undercooked you can give them back to your girlfriend!”
  • “There is more smoke in this kitchen than in Snoop Dogg’s tour bus!”
  • “This frog is so raw, it’s still singing ‘Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal’!”
  • “That steak is so chewy, Han Solo is trying to rescue it!”
  • “This potato is so raw, it can still play a part in Toy Story!”
  • "I don't think you're f@#$%^g capable of running a bath, let alone a restaurant!"
  • “The chicken is pinker than your f@#$%^g lipstick!”
  • “These sausages are so small, Catholic priests are lining up to fondle them!”
  • “My gran can do this better. And she’s dead!”
  • “This squid is so raw, it is still trying to terrorise the Nautilus!”
  • “This soup is so watery they can use it to put out brush fires in California!”
  • “The duck was so f@#$%^g raw, it was still arguing with Bugs Bunny over the hunting season!
  • “You burnt the food so black, it stole my bike!”